I started my thoughts on this week’s sermon using the
Gatherings resource from the United Church and had themes of envisioning and
experiencing faith, living out our faith and learning to pray … good themes …
solid themes … themes that challenge us to find hope in the face of discomfort
and uncertainty …
But it got me thinking and reading and reflecting on that
experience ALL of us have had at some point when someone has done something in
a church context that has caused a hurt that may linger for a moment, a month
or a millennium … We’ve ALL had that experience … Mrs so and so, or mr so and
so said or did something – it may even be something completely well intentioned
and with no malice involved, but it hurt …
My brother left church after an incident in Sunday School
when the collection plate was passed around and our Sunday school
superintendent accused him or putting Canadian tire money on the plate as a
joke … My brother took offense on several levels, not least of which was that
as a budding car mechanic, he saw value in Canadian tire money, and he would
NEVER have done something as foolish as wasting it on the church collection
plate … he could buy tools, and parts and car stuff with that – why give it to
the church?? But the deeper level was – why was HE of all the kids in that room
– and at the time, there were lots in our Sunday school – why was he accused of
it? (Looking back, I can’t help but wonder why it mattered anyway – Canadian
Tire money could be used for stuff – I’ve accepted it at the shop and used it
for supplies – so why couldn’t the church do the same? …)
But the damage it did was immense, and it sent a very
sensitive and very spiritual young man out the door and FOREVER soured his view
of the church … he never went back … he missed it, and he encouraged me in my
ministry because he valued faith and spirituality and what it offered, but for
himself he could never go back because of the damage Mrs X did … and he wasn’t
the only one … over the years Mrs X did little things to many many many young
people in our church, and as the church withered and died and some of us as
alumni talked about why the church died a theme developed … over and over
people left BECAUSE of little things that happened, and likely without any
malicious or hurtful intent … but the damage was deep and it was done …
It may not be politically correct to admit to it, but I
never let Mrs X bother me because I ended up punching her son in the middle of
a Christmas concert when I finally had had enough …
Eventually, Mrs X and her family moved on to another church
– but the lasting impact remained … our church never regained what it lost and
in time it like many others - closed …
Later in my journey in ministry, during the debate about marriage
equality and churches conducting same sex weddings, I had a conversation with a
church member who excitedly showed me an article in a national gardening
magazine about her son and his husband and the absolutely breath-taking gardens
they had in their west coast home – as she showed me the article she said “you
are the only person I can share this with …” I questioned her and she spoke of
the horrible hurtful things said back in the dark days of “The Issue” by
members of the congregation around the ordination of self-professed gay and
lesbian candidates in the United Church … this mom was immensely proud of her
son, but was terrified that she would be rejected by her church because of him,
so she opted for silence …
And there was the time when as a student minister I was
asked to find out why one of the faithful elders of the congregation had
stopped coming … I went to have tea and as we talked she shared with me the
horrendous few months she and her family had been through – she had stopped
coming for church initially because she was SO exhausted that Sunday morning
was the only day of the week when she could sleep in and rest … then finally
she decided she needed to go back, she wanted the comfort of community, the
hymns, the prayers, the context – and so she came and as she walked through the
front door of the church, her friend and neighbour – with the purest of
intentions said “Oh would you like to sign the guest book …”
Intended as a joke, and offered with nothing but love and
respect – it rubbed the first woman the wrong way and she walked out after
service and decided to never come back … when she told me the story, I wove it
into a sermon the following Sunday and when the second person said over coffee
after service ‘how horrible that is …” I seized the moment and suggested that
she should call her neighbour and say “sorry …”
She was mortified … but she did and the next week both
women were back at church and a friendship was restored …
There are countless examples of those hurtful things we may
be oblivious to … as minister I’ve done them … I’ve witnessed them … I’ve tried
to bring resolution to them … they are common and they are part of the
narrative of any faith community, and in truth, they are a HUGE reason why so
many of our churches are withering and dying. We have too many stories of Mrs H
and the lasting damage and the inexplicable habit churches have of IGNORING it
completely.
United Church minister Gordon Turner wrote a book entitled
“outside looking in” in which he explored the world of church drop outs and
those who for whatever reason have left Church behind, and he offered some
powerful observations and some poignant suggestions on how to address this
uncomfortable reality in our churches, our communities and dare I say – within
our own families.
So, if we let our readings today settle within us, and we
pause on the difficult message they seem to be carrying – and how do we envision
and experience AND SHARE our faith in the face of the kinds of hurts I’ve
mentioned today.
Step one … honesty … a willingness to name and own the past
hurts and address them … my brother never went back to the Church … the
parishioner with the gay son gave me permission to share her story anonymously
and the day I used it in a sermon one of those who spoke words of venomous hurt
came up after church wanting to know who it was that was SOOOOOOO hurt and
scared that they could tell others about their gay son. The mom was standing
there and when I looked at her, she nodded and I said “I would like you to meet
the mom …”
The two women had been friends for years … even after the
dark days of the late 80’s and all the hurtful things that had been said, the
mom had remained silent … that morning in the narthex of our church tears
flowed as the truth was revealed and a relationship restored and renewed …
Step two … openness to the possibilities of what might be …
in naming hurts caused within the church, we are opening ourselves to a
spectrum of possibilities and to the discomfort of moving beyond the comfort
and familiarity of what is and being open to what might be …
This perhaps the point where we as congregations stand
without even fully appreciating it … we are struggling with finances, dwindling
memberships, escalating costs and a history of families and individuals who
USED TO ATTEND but don’t for some reason … we are in the very heart of what
shelves of books have struggled with.
In my office, I have study after study that looks at why
people leave churches, and what that exodus means … Canadian scholar Reginald
Bibby has written more than a half dozen books on the condition of Churches in
Canada and the peril they are in … his studies build on dozens by writers
around the world.
And it is Gordon Turner who perhaps gets to the heart of
the issue when he writes: The Gospel will
pinch some lives if spoken truthfully. It will release the yoke and burden of
others. And people will also leave the Church if they don’t hear the prophetic
word of the Gospel. We have to chose which side of the cutting edge of
faithfulness we shall be on. A prophetic ministry can indeed be exercised if
based on pastoral caring for persons …
A prophetic ministry can indeed be
exercised if based on pastoral caring for persons … addressing past hurts is
pastoral care … avoiding current or future hurts is pastoral caring …
recognizing the circumstances our neighbours find themselves in is pastoral
caring … a prayer chain is pastoral caring … honestly facing our fears is
pastoral caring … throwing open the doors and welcoming in people is pastoral
caring …
AND NONE OF IT NEEDS TO HAPPEN SOLELY ON A SUNDAY MORNING
here in this time and space … pastoral caring is about going out into the world
and engaging our friends, our neighbours and our communities both local and
global and exercising and sharing our faith.
It is about moving in to the world and living out our faith
with integrity and with an awareness that what we say and do WILL have an
impact on others – faith necessitates that we do everything we can to ensure
that impact is positive. Pastoral caring is that positive impact.
So, as we survey the road ahead, and we as congregations
take a deep breath before plunging forward into whatever lies ahead have an
opportunity to start envisioning our community differently …
What if … what if, we opt for mid week worship instead of
weekends?
What if, we opt for small group devotions in slow seasons,
and gather in homes or elsewhere instead of in church?
What if we hold lunch time hymnsing services instead of
Sunday morning?
What if … what if, we dream and see where the Spirit is
leading us by daring to play at being church … not silly amusement type of
play, but joyous experimentation and testing new things way beyond the walls of
what is traditional and comfortable … play as adventurous expressions of faith
beyond what we might be used to?
What if we dare to be a community that takes the Gospel
seriously – the gospel that pinches and discomforts – the gospel that calls us
from our complacency into action – the gospel that challenges us to step beyond
our boxes and to follow the spirit into a place of healing, wholeness and
transformation that not only welcomes back the lost sheep, but that
courageously and rightly listens to their voices and addresses their bruises
and hurts …
Our readings challenge us to live out a simple covenant of
God being our God, and we being God’s children … it challenges us to live lives
with hope and faith under this new Covenant, trusting in God to be with us
always …
The spirit beckons us to envision a new reality and to
embrace new possibilities … the rest is up to us …
What if?
Let us
pray …
