Ever contemplated what it means to be a blessing?
In our Hebrew Scriptures reading this morning, we have Abraham and Sarah being offered the Covenant from God that not only promises their family to be a great nation, but it also promises that this family will be a blessing to the world. Then we turn to our Gospel reading, and we hear about God blessing the world with the gift of his own child who brings God’s love and presence into the world.
So, what does it mean to be a blessing?
Is it still possible for us – the church – to be a blessing in the modern world?
As I contemplated our readings for this week, I also heard from various corners of our Pastoral Charge, concerns being raised about how we live out the welcome we extend to our community. As I heard the concerns about welcoming in not only the new faces of strangers and new comers to our community, but also welcoming home those who have been hurt and wounded by the Church, or those who for whatever reason have wandered off; I began to realize the centrality of living our words of welcome in our calling to be a blessing to the community around us and the world.
Being a welcoming community is far more than just hanging a sign on the door and saying “All welcome.”
Being a welcoming community means living out the idea that we are called to be a blessing every day …
As I hear a faith community wrestling with the idea of living out their welcome in a better and more inclusive way I think of two experiences I’ve had in the past where living that welcome has been a challenge … The first was a congregation that prided itself on being a welcoming and inclusive community. One of the old time members proudly boasted one morning that “we’re a welcoming place. Anyone can come in the door and we would gladly welcome them. They will have a place here, and they would know it …”
Almost on cue the door of the room opened and a dirty, disheveled and very drunk First Nations man stumbled through the door … “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Having a Bible Study,” I answered.
What was startling to me though, is that as this man joined the circle two of the members got up and got him a cup of coffee and some cookies and welcomed him PHYSICALLY into the circle, while others, the member who had JUST been speaking included, moved away from the man AND pulled their purses protectively closer to themselves … out of 12 or so members, two lived the welcome, while the others, perhaps totally subconsciously, contradicted the very notion that they were a welcoming community.
It was one of those defining moments that revealed the heart of the community. The words we speak are important, but whether we chose to live those words is more important …
The second incident that came to mind this week as I reflected on the notion of being a blessing happened many years ago when I was a young, eager and enthusiastic student preparing for ministry in this United Church of ours. The congregation was a strong and very welcoming rural congregation that was not great in number, but great in commitment to one another, and to the work they have been called to do.
One Sunday morning, quite unintentionally, one of the long time members was offended by the welcome given by another long time member and friend … one the surface it was one of those moment that simply happen. The greeter that morning was in a jovial mood and when they saw the other member, who had not been at worship for a few weeks, jokingly said – “oh, are you visiting? Would you like to sign our guest book?”
The greeter meant nothing by it. They were trying to be funny, and to welcome their friend and neighbor … BUT … instead the person who was coming back after a long absence felt slighted, humiliated and ridiculed … they were hurt and that hurt quickly turned to anger.
In the moment they laughed it off, but coupled with the events and happenings that had kept them from church they were hurt … and they pulled back from the one place they desperately wanted and needed to be.
We can hear this story and roll our eyes and say – “it’s not big deal … so someone was kidding around and someone else was offended … so?”
But that misses not only the point, but it also adds to the feeling of alienation that is so often felt by people who are struggling to come in the doors in the first place … Researchers have repeatedly shown that our church congregations are surrounded by a large and diverse group of people who for any number of reasons no longer attend the Church they still call home.
Canadian Gordon Turner authored the book “Outside Looking In” using the conversations he had with people from coast to coast who no longer attend worship services, but who still call the United Church home. Over and over Turner chronicled the reasons why people no longer attend, and repeatedly he heard that they no longer felt welcomed … they know the congregations try to be welcoming, but usually something had happened that rolled up that welcome mat and left feelings of hurt and even anger in its wake.
And it is most often HURT that is the reason for people pulling back … they have been hurt by something said or done – and 9 times out of ten, it was a completely unintentional thing that happened … yet, the hurt left unaddressed turns to anger and valued members or our church family frequently withdraw to the margins and leave the Church behind …
Turner highlighted many stories of families and individuals who pulled away from the Church for any number of reasons … some where families who experienced a devastating grief and felt unsupported and unacknowledged in the weeks that followed … it wasn’t that the Church didn’t care, or didn’t want to care – but rather it was that uncomfortable place that comes after the death and the funeral when we struggle to know what to say.
We don’t want to offend the person by not acknowledging their loss, but at the same time we don’t want to embarrass them by saying the wrong thing … so we fill the space with musings about the weather, or the latest sports happenings … our hearts are willing, but we don’t want to hurt them. BUT, in the process they feel that the burden they are struggling under is being ignored and overlooked … they want to cry out and acknowledge their burden, but feel uncomfortable because they don’t want say the wrong thing …
So two people stand, both reluctant to say the wrong thing, and both making erroneous assumptions … and in the process a rift is created in the very place a bond of community should be forged and strengthened …
Over and over Turner documented this process in our own United Church … over and over he spoke with families and individuals who shared their experiences and spoke eloquently of their desire to feel included and welcomed, but their hurt and their feelings got in the way … and as time passed, their absence deepened the challenges at healing that rift.
Those absent feel more and more self-conscious about being away and become less and less motivated to come back. Often, they stay away because they feel it would be embarrassing to come back after so many weeks or months or even years away … and on the part of the congregation, the simple action of welcoming them back with a joking welcome like – “would you like to sign the guest book?” served only to deepen that embarrassment and hurt.
I encountered this on a community level, when I arrived at a Congregation and when Remembrance Day rolled around, I asked the worship committee about inviting the Legion to our Service of Remembrance. The answer that was eventually teased out was that the Legion doesn’t come to the United Church. As I pushed more I learned that a couple of decades earlier one of my predecessors made some comments that were deeply offensive and hurtful to the Legion, and the Legion members had never darkened our door again … this is despite the fact that many members of the Legion were in fact United Church members.
Over time we began a conversation with the Legion and eventually they not only came to our Remembrance Day Service, we as a Congregation offered a long overdue apology for the hurtful words that had been spoken and left for too long … while it didn’t immediately heal the rift, the willingness to acknowledge the foolishness of the past allowed us to live our welcome by building a better tomorrow.
And that is the dilemma we face in the church … how DO we live our welcome?
How do we ensure that the words of our faith are reflected in our deeds and actions?
We reflect and embody our welcome in our body language … do we tuck our purses and possessions in closer when a stranger arrives? Do we tense up at the door when someone new comes? Or do we remain relaxed, open and welcoming …
Are the words that come from our mouths truly welcoming and inclusive, or are they mere words offered because it’s the right thing to say?
I recall being at a Conference AGM when a conversation began about being a welcome and inclusive community. The focus of this was the proposal for the Conference to formally become an AFFIRMING body where those with gay and lesbian sexual orientation might feel welcome.
Speaker after speaker rose and spoke of how welcoming the conference was, and how gays and lesbians had a place. Then, one speaker came to the microphone. Ken was and is a minister who happens to be gay, and he has in many ways been the spokes person willing to speak out on issues facing the gay and lesbian community within the United Church. Ken thanked the Conference for their attempt at being inclusive, but stated quiet emphatically that there was a great deal of work to be done BEFORE they could declare themselves to be an AFFIRMING Conference. He shared how the words spoken in Church courts don not necessarily reflect the day to day reality experienced by gays and lesbians within the church … in short, Ken echoed the findings of Turner and others who have looked critically at the Church when he pointed out the disconnect between our words and our actions …
We say and we believe that we are a welcoming and inviting community … and that is a wonderful first step. The next step is to look critically at how we can improve our role and calling to be a Blessing not only to the world out there, but to the people who have moved slowly to the margins and who are not here as often as we would want.
The big overarching question we must courageously and fearlessly face is how do we live our welcome, and how do welcome home those who yearn for something more … we live in a time of great spiritual hunger, and here, in this place is what is needed to ensure that everyone feels loved and valued and included …
The welcome begins with simple words – “hi,” and moves through the faith FILLED commitment of living and welcoming the children of God who come here to be fed and nurtured and most importantly INCLUDED …
May it be so … thanks be to God … let us pray …
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