I have to begin by
admitted I’ve been torn about what I can offer by way of reflection here this
morning.
My journey to this
pulpit this morning really began over forty years ago when I first stepped
through that door (…) one Sunday morning and saw the assembled congregation for
the first time … I still remember Margaret’s hand on my back and her whispering
“too late to turn back now” as she shoved me through the doorway …
My life has taken
many twists and turns, quite a few up, a few downs, and more than enough
interesting detours and meanderings … My initial thoughts on my reflection for
today was to share with you highlights of the journey I’ve been on, and tie it
into the idea of asking and facing the tough life questions we all encounter
along the way.
Afterall, our reading
from Job, and our reading from Mark are about that transformational moment when
we not only dare to ask the big life questions. We dare to LIVE the answers.
But then last night,
as I was getting ready to go to bed, I was still mulling over my theme for
today, and struggling with the news that a cherished friend from the Nuxalkmc
First Nation in Bella Coola had died – then the news of the earthquake off the
islands of Haida Gwaii broke, then came the tsunami warning and in real time I
was following events via the internet and facebook as friends and family had to
heed the evacuation orders and even my daughter Rebekkah who lives in BC with
her mom and Grandmothers, had to get up out of the danger zone for the tsunami
that was making its way through the night shrouded seas.
Your thinking changes
when the abstract becomes real … in the pit of my stomach last night I felt the
same fear and apprehension I had a little over a year ago when the earthquake
hit Japan, and a niece was not only in the epicentre of the event, but for a
long week we waited and prayed for news – even confirmation that she was okay …
it came eventually, but it was a harrowing and truly terrible week of waiting …
Last night, in real
time thanks to the internet, I felt in real time the worry and concern on the
BC coast in places and corners I have called home, and where I count friends
and family as residents … I was living a very Job-like moment …
Contrast that with 20
years ago when I stepped through that door.
20 years ago there
was no internet, there were only limited uses of cell phones, and we never
imagined (or at least most of us never imagined) that we could carry a phone in
our pocket that could take pictures, cruise the internet, receive mail, text
friends, play games – and if necessary actually phone people.
The world changes …
we change … and it is when we pause and have the courage to look back that we
can truly discern the lessons we’ve encountered, lived and celebrated along the
way.
As I look back to my
time here some two decades ago – the summer of 1992 … I can see many lessons
I’ve been taught along the way – many beginning here in this very place.
I learned the
absolute value of an exceptional and talented Church Secretary from Marilyn,
and I will admit that I’ve used Marilyn as a sort of yard stick for any I’ve
met since – a couple of them have measured up …
I learned the value
and importance of hospital visits. I remember sitting in Barrie’s office and
saying I really dislike hospital visits and Barrie smiling and saying “really?”
then musing about peeling my hands off the door jams and getting me into the
hospital at least once a week … he did, and I did, and I have powerful memories
of time spent here in the hospital with folks associated with this
Congregation.
I learned the
profound effect gut wrenching tragedies can have in the life of a faith community,
and on your own sense of being from here …
The lessons I learned
here as a student were lessons I continue to reflect on 20 years later as I
continue my journey of ministry and life, and continue to struggle with events,
happenings and issues.
And it happened
because, as a Congregation, you opened your doors to a student minister, and
offered them a place to learn and grow and experience all that life could offer
… and I left here a different person from when I came.
Looking back, I see a
time and a place and a people, who dared to live the call offered by Jesus to
“follow me”.
Two simple words –
“follow me” – no conditions, no restrictions, no instructions. Just the
invitation “follow me.”
The only answer to
this is to go … go where God leads … go where life unfolds … go where ever the
journey takes you … and along the way share your faith, live your life and
celebrate being a child of God.
As a community of
faith, you are doing that today as you mark 154 years of community faith.
And as individuals we
do that every day as we live our lives, and give our time, our talent and even
our cherished treasures to the Church. Whether it is taking baking to a
neighbour, having tea with a friend, offering a prayer, or helping out with a
Church event – ALL of it is part of the response to invitation to “follow me”
And it is ALL part of living our faith, and trying to make this corner of the
world – OUR corner of the world a better and brighter place.
The lesson of Job
though, is a stark reminder that sometimes life can take an unexpected turn,
and things may not go as we plan. Illness, accidents, and happenings that take
from us any manner of things, may break over us, and leave us wondering,
wandering and shaking in fear …
But in that moment –
in that moment of fear and uncertainty – in that moment when we feel alone and
scared – in that moment when life takes a turn, we KNOW through faith, that God
is with us and that we are NOT alone … and we take the first shaky step forward
…
We trust in God to be
with us, and to give us strength and to never abandon us …
We trust in God to
embrace us with love and grace …
… and it happens …
slowly … breath by breath, moment by moment, step by step … sometimes so
incrementally that we can’t see it until we stand on a distant hilltop and look
back on the path we’ve trod …
There is a Jewish
prayer I have sometimes used in memorial and funeral services that speaks of
life’s inevitable passage from the present into the future. It notes that life
is a journey from youth to age, from weakness to strength and back to weakness,
and so on … but it notes as well, that it is only when we pause to look back
through the lens of faith, that we see that life is not a journey to some
celestial destination, but rather life is a journey made step by step through
the high points and low points of life.
Life becomes what you
make it.
Job learned that the
hard way … Bartimaeus learned that when his eyes were opened and he was
suddenly able to see – not just physically, but spiritually too … his vision
was restored and renewed and he could see and experience the fullness of God’s
grace.
Out of the darkness
comes light.
Light means life.
And life is for living. … and Jesus said “follow me”
And life is for living. … and Jesus said “follow me”
I could look back on
the events that have happened in the last twenty years and be angry and bitter
… or I can learn and grow from those dark shadowy moments that we must ALL
face.
As Marilyn noted
earlier, I left here in August of 1992, and headed out to BC, where I was
married, then it was back to Kingston to finish my last year of Theology
training before being ordained and being settled in Bella Coola, a first
nations ministry on the Central Coast of BC. I paused here in June of 1993 to
lead my very first worship service, and preside at my first communion in this
sanctuary as an ordained member of the clergy.
In Bella Coola I
began a ministry that was at times challenging beyond mere words, and
inspiring. In the four years there my circle of family grew as M-- and I
welcomed our children S--, and H-----, and met many new friends who remain
important members of our circle.
From Bella Coola we
accepted a call to Langley, a suburb just outside of Vancouver where we
welcomed R------- into the mix, and after 3 years found ourselves pondering the
future as my ministry ended abruptly and harshly … in the United Church we
don’t use terms like ‘firing’ when it comes to our ministers – but that’s what
I lived through – a full on firing.
The hardest part for
me was not being asked in no uncertain terms to leave, but having S-- and H-----
ask why people who only days before were like aunts and uncles and grandparents
to them, would suddenly turn their carts in grocery stores, and pretend not to
know them … my children asked some pretty harsh and telling questions that
years later still challenge my notions of faithfulness and discipleship …
From Langley, we
moved to Manitoba where for 8 years we lived and ministered in Minnedosa, a
rural town halfway between Riding Mountain National Park and Brandon … then on
horrible February morning an act of arson burned down the century old sanctuary
and sent everyone spinning into a place of chaos and darkness … the end result
was eventually a new building but a troubled and demoralized community, I was
again fired but first went through a process of discipline and discernment that
helped me face my fears and demons and heal some untended wounds … my marriage
collapsed, and M-- and I both moved to Brandon where for 13 months I worked for
the Federal Gov’t overseeing funding and programming to address the growing
problems of poverty, hunger and homelessness.
During that time I
was very much a person non gratia in the United Church – there was an urgent
need for pulpit supply, yet the ONLY pulpit supply I could find was in the
local Presbyterian churches. And thanks to the wonderful and caring folks at
First Presbyterian in Portage la Prairie, I found my way back into ministry,
and most importantly I found healing and began a return to wholeness.
I can recall the
moment clearly when I sat at a local coffee shop with three trusted colleagues
– tellingly, all of them Presbyterians – and sought their sage advice about my
vocation and call. They ALL affirmed their belief in my call to ministry and
encouraged me to apply both within the Presbyterian Church and the United
Church and leave it up to the Spirit …have the courage to follow they said
…
In the spring of
2010, I did just that … and shortly thereafter I got a call from a place called
Flesherton for an interview …
I wish I could say I
happily said “yes” and that was it – but life is seldom so easy. I needed time
… I had to be sure … I had to discern what the Spirit was calling me to be and
to do … but in May of 2010, I took the plunge and said ‘yes’ to the offer of
call …
Now, this is one of
those ‘looking back moments’ when you can see more clearly then you ever could in
the moment … starting a new pastoral charge is supposed to be exciting and
positive and good … and much of the start in Flesherton and Eugenia was … but …
my financing for the house fell through the day we were driving to Flesherton …
we lived for a month in motel rooms, a camper, and in the church basement … and
then in January 2011, my mom and my brother died within three weeks of each
other, leaving me spinning … 2011 ended with my partner L--- moving back to
Manitoba … and my finding myself very much in a Job like setting.
BUT … the folks at
Flesherton-Eugenia, a community that knows intimately the trauma and struggles
of faith, have offered unrelenting care and support … my circle of family has
been steadfast in their love and care in the shadowy places … and I’ve never
felt the absence of God’s grace, love and care …
Despite the many
twists and turns and set backs … I’ve been able to take a deep breath and
continue moving forward knowing I’m a child of God, and knowing I belong …
Like Bartimeus, my
eyes have been repeatedly opened to the wonders of God’s grace, and I have
stood in a place of awe – even in dark shadowy corners … and rejoiced at God’s
unrelenting and steadfast care.
This coming week, we
mark the beginning of the Protestant Reformation when Luther posted his 95
Theses – or questions on the door of the Church at Wittenburg … in this moment,
in this place, I celebrate the simple fact that 20 years ago, the Congregation
and staff of Grace United Church took under their wing, a young theology student
who was discerning the call of God to ministry, and THANKFULLY, by example – by
living their faith folks with names like Barrie, Margaret, Marilyn, Doug, Irma,
Dunc, Dorothy, Susan, Lorna, Ken, (I could stand an recite dozens of names – so
please don’t feel left out) – showed ME how important facing life’s questions
really is, and how amazing and incredible daring to live the answers can be.
20 years ago you, as
a congregation showed me the importance of heeding the words of Jesus: “Follow
me” wherever they may lead …
Even in the deepest
darkest moments – you folks taught me the importance of remembering that we are
truly a Child of God, and God’s love will never fail us.
THANK YOU for that.
It’s gotten me through quite a lot along the way.
Thanks be to God …
Let us pray …
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